Funny Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.Albert Einsteain

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.Albert Einsteain

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?Albert Einsteain

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.Albert Einsteain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.Albert Einsteain

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.Albert Einsteain

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.Benjamin Franklin

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.Bill Cosby

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.Bill Cosby

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!Friedrich Nietzsche

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Groucho Marx

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.Groucho Marx

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.Winston Churchill

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.Oscar Wilde

I think it would be a good idea. - (when asked what he thought of Western civilization)Mohandas Gandhi

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.George Bernard Shaw

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.George Bernard Shaw

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.George Bernard Shaw

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.George Bernard Shaw

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.George Bernard Shaw

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.Coco Chanel

If you like funny quotes be sure to enjoy the sarcastic quotes of the Sarcasm Society.

Random Quotes

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.Winston Churchill